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Monday. 8.25.14 5:38 pm
Well that was a huge mistake. I definitely should have eaten something much lighter as a way to break the 48+ hour fast that I did. Instead, I ate left over breakfast burrito tortilla. Huge mistake. My stomach absolutely hates me right now. It's punishing me; I'd much rather it be coming up than going down. Ugh.

So I left my house yesterday, rather reluctantly, to go buy new windshield wiper blades for my vehicle. It's something I've been needing to do for months now and I finally chose the first day of a long streak of hot, dry, sunny days to do so. I looked it up on a map to see how to get where I needed to go ... and completely missed a turn somewhere along the way because I ended up way farther away from where I wanted to be. I have no idea how I found Discovery Park, but it was about 10 minutes in the wrong direction. Kind of funny how I got lost and discovered Discovery Park just by accident. I pulled in to the closest visitor lot, pulled up Google Maps and found out how to get back to where I needed to go. I realized that I had gone left instead of right.

Eventually I got back to where I needed to be, bought what I needed to buy and came back home. I put up on Facebook that I was unsure of how I got there, because putting down 'lost' seemed too obvious, and it apparently prompted some concern among my close friends. I got messages shortly after getting back home. And I talked to both of them until shortly before bed.

I had this whole plan of doing some productive stuff today when I got off work, but that all became a moot point the minute I changed in to pajamas. Once I'm home and the uniform comes off, it's like I'm taking off the motivation to do anything productive. Like, just going out yesterday evening was a struggle that I fought with for hours before it actually happened. If it was dark outside, or at least not sunny, then I'd be more inclined to leave the hole I live in. But so long as the sun shines bright and hot on my curtains, the inclination to leave stays hidden.

Tomorrow and Wednesday I have both my jobs so I have no choice but to leave the hole when I'm very against it. I'm still not exactly in a very sociable mood, but this isn't really being social is it? It's work. It's a paycheck. It's also probably the last week I work 3 days at Sam's. Next week I have my suddenly unplanned 5 day weekend and after that I've requested every Saturday off from Sam's for the entire rest of the month of September, which leads in to my last day being the 1st of October. It's kinda crazy that I'll be going back to having a regular every-other-week income. I'll have to be careful about budgeting, but I think, at this point, I can manage just fine. We'll see how it goes.

Other than my stomach hating that I've reintroduced food to it, I'm feeling slightly, and I emphasize slightly, better than I did yesterday. Mentally, at least. I guess even a tiny improvement is still that. Physically, I kind of want to deprive myself of food again. I should probably go grocery shopping at some point. I'm not sure what time I'm meeting up with my friends on Thursday, but perhaps I'll have enough time between work and then to snag some food for the weekend. I'm used to going the week without much in the way of sustenance.

The best way to describe my mental status, the way in which I am having to change gears, is that I'm trying to go in reverse up a hill. Not just any hill, mind you, but one that you'd find in San Francisco or Downtown Seattle. A big fuck off hill that everyone hates going up. And I'm trying to do so backwards.
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