welcome to my mind ...

In sticking with my odd dates, at this point in time it is technically tomorrow.

I've been awake for two hours with obviously no success in falling back asleep, as I am here at the moment. My brain will not shut off, regardless of how much I try not to think about what's keeping me awake. Sadly, I think the reason I'm having such a hard time is because of the vicious cycle that causes you to continue thinking about the very thing you're trying not to think of. Or something like that. You people know what I mean. The harder you try not to think about something, the more you think about it. . . yeah.

I'm hoping that staring at the bright ass computer screen will make my eyes heavy and will prompt sleep so that when I finish here, I'll be able to lay back down and fall back asleep. I'd like to have a conversation with someone, but no one I know of, that will converse with me, is awake at this hour.

I thought that next weekend would be my weekend without plans, but that's been switched to this weekend. I haven't a single thing going on and I'm okay with that. I've been actively busy for what feels like every weekend over the last month or so, so I'm ready to have a weekend of nothing. I'll stay in pajamas the whole time, perhaps clean a little ... if I can actually motivate myself to do so. I never have company here so it's not like anyone is going to judge my messy place.

Next weekend I have plans Friday night, but then it's a three day weekend, with Monday off, and nothing except laundry planned for that. So maybe I'll have two weekends in a row where I'll have a couple days of nothing.

It's been a while since my insomnia has affected me this strongly. Usually it just makes me wake up several times per night or just makes it harder to fall asleep, but once I'm there I'm fine. I wish I could say I didn't know why, but I do. And it's stupid. Which is another reason why I'm glad to have a weekend of nothing. It means not having to be judged for things that I should have better control over.

Perhaps I'll venture out and buy a puzzle. Something to keep my mind/hands occupied for at least a couple hours of my time.

Weekends is when I usually wear my contacts, but because of the complete lack of sleep I'm currently getting, I know that I'll want to sleep at some point later in the day, which becomes a bad idea to do once I've put the contacts in. I wore them at work {yesterday} and ended up taking them out early so that I could go to bed.

I guess that's enough rambling for now. That's pretty much what this has become: middle of the night rambling. Perhaps I've stared at the screen long enough for me to distract my overactive brain just enough to be able to fall back asleep? I guess we'll find out.