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July
Sunday. 7.3.16 6:42 pm
Well, I made it through. Barely. That last day was rough. Like, more so than it has been in recent years, so far as I can remember.

Iv'e been talking to this guy for almost 2 months now and it's ... I believe we've arrived at an impasse. We kind of keep going through the same motions over and over and it's slightly frustrating. But I can't just let go. I've let him in, and as my friend once told me "once you're in, you're in." It's like trying to pull out a tooth with a wrench in order to remove said person from your inner circle. It's possible, but it fucking hurts like hell, and you are fucked up for a while before you heal. But once you've healed, it leaves behind a nasty scar, one that always reminds you of what was once there.

I've gotten back in to the gym again. I've dropped another couple pounds, leaving me at around 8 more to go before I reach my weight goal. I'm sitting at around the weight I was when I first moved to Seattle. I want to get back down to where I was before I moved here, before I started gaining all the extra weight. It feels good knowing how close I am.

Yesterday's workout, I incorporated weights for pretty much the first time ever and I'm feeling it today. I did weighted squats, and some dumbbell sets. My back is only mildly sore, and only when I move certain ways. My arms are feeling it a bit, but again only when I move certain ways, or pick up something with a noticeable weight. My legs are what got hit the most. It probably didn't help that I did my normal cardio routine right after doing the weights. I'm sure that when you combine the two, strength and cardio, you're supposed to ease up a bit on one or the other. But what the hell do I know. I've never been trained. I'm just going by what I want my goals to be. I'm supposed to go back to the gym tomorrow... we'll see how I feel in the morning.

This weekend I was supposed to disconnect from everyone ... apparently that's impossible for me to do. I think as long as I'm not getting pissed off and unnecessarily upset at certain situations, then I can keep up what I'm doing. As long as I keep remembering to breathe. I did disable my Facebook for another week, though. That serves at least some form of disconnecting. I didn't really need to see what everyone was doing this weekend. That would have just reminded me even more that I have no life. As if staying inside, avoiding people, wasn't already reminder enough.

I cleaned a bit this weekend. I donated a lot of my old clothes that I hadn't worn in forever, or no longer fit in. I also donated shoes that I thought were cute at the time of purchase, but wore them all of once or twice, then never wore them again. The corner looks a little more organized, at least. It's not the deep clean I wanted to do this weekend, but it at least looks like I did something.

I finally went for it and purchased a Groupon to have some of my pictures printed on canvas. I've been wanting to do it for a while now, but it's super expensive, or the Groupons that they have aren't really highly rated. I found one that was decently rated, and the shipping costs weren't too high {since that was what I would have to pay on the website} so I went for it. The pictures came out quite nicely. I feel like they would have been better had I not needed to crop them down, or had I shot them with a professional camera; both of those are also super expensive, so considering my tools and the cost, they came out fairly decently.

No clue when I'll be writing again. At this point it's just kind of whenever I'm in a decent enough mood to make reasonable entries that aren't filled with a hateful rant fest. Those days seem to be far and few between lately ... or I really just don't have anything I really wanna write about. So I guess it's up to you to figure out which is the reason I'm avoiding writing.
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