welcome to my mind ...

I've been in a very weird headspace recently and though I'm sure I know at least one of the main causes, it's more complicated than just that. I've been talking about going back to therapy for a while now, but I've never actually gone through the motions of finding a new therapist. Due to the fact that this weird headspace has increased in the last week, I need to finally act on my words.

I'll be making the call tomorrow, probably during my lunch break, and I'll see if I can get paired with someone who was in the same group as the therapist I saw 4 years ago. The guy I had been seeing retired, and possibly went back in to private practice. I'm not sure if there's even a way to find out if he had; his name is too common to look up and get any kind of useful results {believe me, I've tried.} I'l be asking the person I end up talking to tomorrow, and then again to the therapist I get paired with, because I'm fairly certain the scheduler won't know anything. Which is fair; as a scheduler myself, I know very little about my providers' histories.

The strange dreams have started to increase again, as have the nightmares. Yet another reason to get back in to seeing someone. I'm far more stressed than I should be and it's making itself well known in my subconscious. I think part of the reason I've been this way is because my job may be getting to me. Well, not the job itself, but the fact that I have to put on a happy face and pretend like I actually enjoy helping the people standing in front of me. On the busy days, the happy face has to be kept on longer and longer, which pushes my patience. I liked the seclusion of the call center because I didn't have to pretend. I mean, I can make my voice sound happy when my face reflects something very differently. It's kind of a weird situation, though. I don't miss the job that was the call center, but I miss the seclusion. I actually quite like my current job, save for the lack of seclusion.

One thing I am incredibly thankful for is the fact that this summer is much cooler than at least the last two summers we've had here. It's only in the mid 60s today, overcast, with a cool breeze. It was like this yesterday as well. I haven't had to use my fans very much, and the nights when it is still pretty warm, there is enough of a breeze to make it at least bearable.

Maybe I should get back to going to the gym. I don't feel like it was making a difference, mentally, but maybe it was and I just didn't realize it?

Anywho, I'm getting distracted because the Blue Angels are back out to make their final run. Hopefully today's show is more exciting than yesterday's. It's still pretty overcast, but the clouds look to be a little higher, so maybe the people on the Lake will get more of a show. I'm staying inside today, just listening to the sound of the jets flying above. Once they're done, however, I'll be diving back in to my book.

Until next time. . .