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Back in Hell
Thursday. 1.4.07 1:19 am
I just got back about an hour and a half ago. I hate it. I don't want to be here.

The flight was crowded. On Southwest there are 3 seats across in each row. Every seat was full. I didn't get a window seat, so I had to stay at least somewhat composed. If I had gotten a window seat, I could have put my head against the window pretending to look out and let the silent tears fall. But I had to wait till I got home.

I'm hoping that was the last time I'll have to fly between Tucson and Las Vegas. I'm hoping next time I make the trip out to Vegas its in a car and it'll be leaving Tucson for good, with all my stuff with me.

Lance picked me up like was arranged. He bought me McDonald's, since I haven't had anything to eat since around 6:30pm yesterday. I didn't finish the sandwich. I couldn't. I was too upset. Maybe tomorrow I'll eat something.

He helped me upstairs and stayed for longer than I was expecting. I didn't want to tell him to leave so as not to be rude. But I would have if he had stayed much longer. Thankfully someone called him and he had to leave. As soon as the door was shut I broke down again.

The tears flowed freely. No one around to see or hear. I was going to call my mom, but I purposly just text messaged her so that she wouldn't hear me cry and make it upset her.

I have a feeling this will become a nightly thing, for at least a little while. Its going to take everything in me not to cry at work tomorrow. Especially with Joey provoking me. I can't just ignore him either. It doesn't work that way with him. If you ignore him, he thinks its a game and will work harder to get your attention.

Ugh!

Grr. A fresh wave of tears. I'm thinking tonight that I'll just end up crying till my eyes are dry. Whatever. Its good to cry every now and then. And crying this morning doesn't count cuz I had to conceal it due to the fact that there was still someone in the house.

That's one of the things I really like about living on my own. No one to bother me when I don't want to be bothered. Its a big conveniance.

I had other stuff I wanted to say, but I was talking to my mom and got sidetracked. So now I don't remember. Oh well. I'm sure I'll think of it eventually. In which case I'll be back on to write another blog.

BTW: thanx to Silver-Dot-, Nuttz, lazypuppy, and randomjunk for the supportive words. It actually made my mouth twich up in an attempted smile.
3 Comments.


*hugs*
I hope you feel better soon. I understand what you're going through.
» Southern on 2007-01-04 03:30:11

hey, glad I could feel like I did something useful :)

Well, you cry to your little heart's content. It will all be over soon and before you know it, July will be here and you'll be driving to Vegas to go have your better life working at the Venetian and seeing the Blue Man Group every month (or weekly hehe if you had it your way)!

Now you make me want to pack up my little Jetta and drive back to Seattle! I miss my family too :(
» lazypuppy on 2007-01-04 08:54:53

Aww... Thanks for making me feel that I did something right. =) Soak a cloth in cold water and put it over your eyes if it hurts. *hugs* We'll be rooting for you.
» Nuttz on 2007-01-04 10:32:34

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