welcome to my mind ...

My mind has been full of thoughts this weekend. All revolving around three guys and my inevitable departure from Tucson. ~This is probably going to be a long entry so make sure you have the time to read it, but only if you want to~

Guy # 1: Justin
I've known Justin since I started working at the restaurant. He worked there as a pie person/kitchen cook. He was 17, getting ready to graduate high school and go off to college. After a few months of crazy crushes on various different guys {mostly from work} I started crushing on him. He came over once and we made out, but nothing more. Then he graduated and moved and I lost contact.

Every-so-often, when he would get a break from school, he'd come back to Tucson to visit his family. A couple times he came up to the restaurant and I'd be happy to see him and to hear that he was doing well. But other than that, I never kept in touch. I'd ask Lance about him once in a while, but each time it was the same; Justin was doing fine and he was happy.

Justin moved back to Tucson about a month ago and I knew this cuz he came up to the restaurant and told me that he was back. He'd grown. He looked older than the 17 year old that left. Though he's still only 19, he looks old enough to pass for legal drinking age without being carded {to which I'm very jealous since I'm close to actually being 21 and I'm just now passing for 18}

I requested his friendship on Myspace {cuz I was at an even number of friends and that would have brought me to an odd number; don't ask, I have no explaination}. Well about 2 weeks ago, he sent me a message via Myspace asking if I'd like to go out sometime. He probably would have called, but he didn't have my number. I found his number that I had from back in the day and texted him to see if it was still his. It was and that's how we ended up getting together and going out.

I enjoyed the date very much and I really want to do it again. I'm trying hard not to get involved though cuz I don't want to be hurt and I don't want him to be hurt when I leave. Right now, its fairly easy, but I'm sure if we continue to go out, it'll prove to be rather difficult as time passes. The only thing I can do is have fun, not think about it and see what happens. Not as easy as it sounds.

Guy # 2: David
I've known David for just as long as Justin, seeing as how I met them both at work. I had a much stronger crush on David and we had one night together. Afterwards, I became too attached for his liking {and now that I think about it, I was being rather ridiculous} and we couldn't work together. After time, we were able to talk and work out our issues, but it was still uneasy being around each other.

Two years have passed since the incident and you could never tell that there ever was a problem between us. We're able to talk and joke and play around. I guess maybe there will always be something that I feel for him, but I know not to push my luck. I know that there will never be anything there between us.

I was elated on Friday when he held me the way he did and kissed my neck. It made me so happy, I had to actually calm myself down before Justin showed up. But I've been thinking about David since then and I'm trying not to get carried away with my thoughts and I'm doing my best not to hope for more. Right now its proving easier than I thought it would be.

Guy # 3: Stuart
I've only known Stuart for the last couple months and we've only really been talking and such for the last month. Though he doesn't work up at the restaurant anymore, we still talk often.

I don't necessarily want to go out with Stuart, but I want him to come over. I want him to be here with me. I still want to be invovled with him in a way. But as much as I've tried to get him to come over, it hasn't happened yet. I'm not terribly bothered by it though. I'm not sure what's going to happen between us, but I guess I'll find out soon enough.

Justin is the guy who is my main focus right now. As much as I want to be with someone my age, the fact that he's a year younger than me isn't bothering me like it usually would. Maybe its cuz he looks older and acts older. I'm not sure. I was happy when I was out with him. I know that I was happy when I went out with Stuart, but this was different. Its hard to explain the difference in happiness, but there is a difference.

I'm confused right now about why this is happening and where its all going to go. I have one explaination for it, although it might not be the real reason. I'm moving in 3 months. No ifs, ands or buts. My departure from Tucson, AZ is inevitable. I'm thinking that maybe Justin, David and Stuart are becoming suddenly interested in me because of that reason. They can all have {or attempt} a 3 month long fling with me knowing that I'll be leaving and there will be no string attached.

I'm okay with it to some extent. I mean, I want to have fun in my final three months here, but I don't want to get too carried away or too involved. I'm hoping it proves to be a much easier task than I think it is.

Anywho, I think I'm done. Those are just some of the thoughts racing through my head right now. I'm also thinking about finishing my taxes and working my ass off so as to save up money. And just various other odd thoughts about my current state of life. I know that this was long, but it much easier to type it all up than write it down. My hands don't hurt as much.

Re:Comment
It's amazing--I actually got quite a lot done while I was there! AND--I wasn't a complete recluse!

Good luck sorting through everything there! Seems like these next three months will be pretty busy!
» ranor on 2007-04-09 01:09:22

Three months with three guys huh?
Hope everything turns out well...
Dun get too serious on all this lovey-dovey stuff though. i Mean you're still young. Enjoy life! =P~
» frostbitten on 2007-04-09 10:48:53

The only problem I would see with thta is if either they or you get attached. And I mean 3 months in a long time and a lot of feelings could develop in those three months, especially between 3 different guys. I dunno if it may be their intention since they know you're leaving, but I think maybe its because of the fact that thoughts ran through their head and thought, "Man, she isn't gonna be here anymore, it's gonna be lonely without her." Either way, I'd just say put a cap on how far things will go and you all should be okay.

And thanks for the compliments on my page! Took a bit of work cuz it was off too far on the side, but iki and silver-dot helped me align it so they can see it. And yeah, I like black, red, and yellow, just like u picked correctly on my quiz. I feel so ashamed. *tear*
» PsychoEnigma on 2007-04-09 01:12:09

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