Not one single day goes by when I don't think about ...

~ my dad and wonder if he's still watching over me; if he's proud of me, of the things I've done; if he approves of my choices or if I've done anything to disappoint him.

~ my past and how it affects my present.

~ my future and where it's going to bring me.

~ putting a blade to my arm and cutting into it again. I don't, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to. It happens quite regularly because I use a sharp object [box cutter} at work

~ different ways I might die. Some of them can become rather creative. Others, not so much.

~ my heart and where it lies. Who I've given pieces of it to and what they've done with it. The scars that are permanently etched into it. Where it will lead me next.

~ when and where I'll be getting my next tattoo and if it'll turn out the way I want it to. The rush it gives me to feel the needles stabbing my skin over and over at rapid speeds.

~ the incredible fear I have of going to a doctor. I know I need to go and I know that there are some things wrong with me. It's the things I don't know about that I'm afraid of.

~ what I would do if a large sum of money were to suddenly come my way.

~ drinking. I rarely drink, but I think about it more often than I allow people to know.

~ running away. Simply packing up and going.

~ having the ability to know exactly how people see me. To know, truly, how they feel about/towards me.

~ completely giving up food. Unfortunately, food is a necessary evil.

~ sex.

~ how different my life would be if I had grown up with a father.

~ the weather. It's unavoidable. And normally annoying.

~ how much I've changed in the last few or so years and just how much actually hasn't changed.


I was thinking about things to add to this entry while I was working. I kept getting distracted by my random thoughts so I figured I'd write some of them down when I got home. And that's what I did.

I'm not sure where the metaphor came from, but we had to rush to get the ad out {corporate forgot to mention the ad started today instead of tomorrow} and at one point I turned to Tammy and said, "we need to get this stuff out like a piranha in a butcher shop." Or something to that affect. In other words, we had to bust it out pretty fast. And we did. We got all but one pallet out.

But now that I've made this a fairly long entry, I should probably end it. If there's anything else that comes to mind, I'll add it later. This entry ends here.

Wait, how is giving up food necessary? :S
» randomjunk on 2008-06-07 05:37:00

Sometimes I can't tell if randomjunk is joking. :P

If you cut your arm, you'll totally blow your lucrative career as a forearm model. Watches, bracelets, splints and braces... these are all things you will no longer be able to model. Your agency will be pissed.

Where do you work? Did I ask you that already? I used to use a box cutter all the time. And I used to shrink-wrap a lot of pallets and put them onto semis. Fun stuff.
» Zanzibar on 2008-06-07 09:40:27

Sometimes, I do think of slashing my wrists and see how everyone around me would react to that.
» Nuttz on 2008-06-07 10:56:18

I like the metaphor.

Banana nut bread has more flavor than muffin bread, but muffin bread makes better toast.
Take your pick.
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» Cleo (201.20.18.165) on 2010-09-04 10:56:15

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