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frying my brain: part 2
Tuesday. 4.26.11 3:42 am
So I'm working on the practice questions for the placement test that I will be taking much later on today {the office closed earlier than anticipated yesterday} and I'm seriously a horrible student.

Jacob was just trying to help me out and I kept getting more and more upset when I couldn't remember or understand what he was trying to tell me.

I felt that I should just know this stuff because I was so good at it before. Not taking in to account that I graduated high school 7 years ago and some of this stuff I haven't studied since my freshman or sophomore year. So a good 7-10 years have passed since I've studied any of this math work. It makes sense that I don't remember.

However, being the perfectionist that I am, I just assume it's supposed to all just come rushing back at me.

I love Jacob. For the simple fact that he is who he is. He's so patient with me. I feel bad for snapping at him, but it's who I am. I get frustrated when I can figure something out. I know it's not his fault. He's just trying to explain it to me and I'm not giving my brain the chance to comprehend it. It's not a very good excuse, that this is just the way I am, but it's really all I have.

I've been this way since I was real young. Getting flustered because my letters weren't perfect. Even when I broke my right arm {I was 5} and taught myself how to write with my left hand, I would get angry at myself when it wasn't perfect. Hell, this shit goes back as far as age 2, from stories that my mom has told me. Remember the ball with the difference shapes cut out and you had to put the right shaped block in to the matching hole? Apparently I got so frustrated when one of the shapes wasn't fitting that I threw it down on the ground and exclaimed my first curse word: dammit.

I am a perfectionist. I get really down on myself when I do something wrong or can't figure something out. It eventually works itself out, but not before I get upset or angry.

I don't like the way that I react and I try to work on not reacting that way, but it's hard. It's hard to change the way you've been since before the memories even kicked in.

Anywho, I know I'll do good on the English part of the exam. I focus on that aspect of the work load on a more daily basis than the Algebraic, Geometric and Trigonometric functions. It'll just take a bit of refreshing, but not without frustration. I'll probably write tomorrow to update on how I think I did on the test.

Until next time NuTang ...
3 Comments.


Wow, I've never heard of anybody having perfectionism so... ingrained into their personality. That's pretty extensive. :S
» randomjunk on 2011-04-26 11:49:17

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» Tuan (210.245.81.202) on 2011-07-09 09:26:01

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