I only got four hours of sleep again last night, only this time I was awoken to something quite unpleasant as opposed to yesterday simply waking on my own ... just at a fairly early hour.

The tears aren't coming anymore. Either because my eyes are just too dry or because I'm not allowing them to flow. I haven't been able to cry in a month so I had a good solid half hour of tear flow. Unfortunately, my mom and sister were awake so both of them saw. I know my sister doesn't care, but I don't want my mom to have to see it.

There's nothing I can do. I can't simply shut a door like the rest of them. I have no privacy.

I'm reluctantly thinking that maybe I shouldn't have left Tucson. I'd be able to cry every week or every day if I wanted. I wouldn't have to worry about anyone seeing against my will. I could cry as long and hard as I wanted to. Here, I can't.

I can't do anything here.

But if I were in Tucson, I'd still be working the same job that I hated. I'd still be dealing with the complete lack of opportunity to get my license {and even though it seems to not be happening here either, the opportunity is still there.} I'd have friends, but I'd still be alone most of the time.

I can't win. Its almost like I'm not supposed to be happy. Every time I'm excited or looking forward to something, something else happens to kill my mood.

I wish ... I just wish.

One good thing about having bangs like mine.... people can't immediately tell if I'm crying.

No privacy at all? Could you use the bathroom or a closet to be alone....?
» randomjunk on 2007-09-20 08:46:52

Thanks. It says "it's all about me- deal with it".
» randomjunk on 2007-09-20 09:22:22

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