The title to this entry has more than one meaning. I'll explain the easiest first.

I'm trying to visit Nutang as often as I can inbetween my weird work schedule. It seems to be working so far. I'm also trying to stay in the top 5 most active. So far, it's working. But who knows. Maybe next month I'll surf enough pages to guarentee my spot in the top 5 without having to fight for the position.

I'm trying to figure out why I'm showing interest in this one guy. Like I said in another entry, he's not all that cute and it was confirmed today that he smokes. But I still like him. My mind is still wanting to focus on him. I get happy whenever I see him. I look forward to running into him.

I mean, I'm not going out of my way to see him. Well ... no, that's sort of a lie. I kinda pushed my sister into going to Big Lots last night because I knew he was working. But other than that, I haven't gone out of my way. And the trip up there wasn't all that spontaneous. She was looking at prices of comforters/bed sheets and we sell them cheap there.

I want to do my hardest to keep it from being obvious that I like him. It's not proven possible yet. Every time I like a guy, I can't keep from making it totally obvious. I've only told one person: my mom. She's the only one I really can tell. He works at my mom's work and mine so I can't tell anyone at either place. He'd find out.

Ugh. I wasn't supposed to like anyone. Not liking anyone would mean I wouldn't have to deal with any kind of complications. I'd be able to avoid those hassels. But alas ... I couldn't avoid it. So I repeat, ugh.

Whatever. I'm sure he'll find out soon enough. I'm just afraid of rejection. There'd be more than one reason for rejection. First off, I don't think he likes me {but that's always the first reason I think of.} Second, we don't really know each other. Third, he knows and works with my mom. So having him over at the house would be weird for him.

Blah. I managed to do it again. I've lost my train of thought. 'Tis the end of this entry.

I hate the feeling of rejection...not only is it rejection, it's like a feeling of stupidity too. It's horrible!
» lazypuppy on 2007-11-25 10:03:51

i understand how u feel. i like orochimaru, a character from naruto manga. he's cruel, cold, villain and huge white snake. i don't like any of this characteristic but yet i'm drawn to him. luckily he's a just a character. if not i think i would stalk him. >.
» renaye on 2007-11-25 11:53:09

What can be worse than the fear of rejection can be the fear of never knowing..the fear of the regret. Perhaps start out small and just see if he wants to do something sometime. Perhaps since you're 'new' to the area he'd show you around or something. And if it's weird hanging out at your place..at least for the time being..then hang out at his place and/or go out to other 'neutral' places. Work your way up to that. If I were him, I'd most likely think that it was pretty cool. I actually knew of similar relationships. My neighbors worked at the store where I worked...mom, dad and their daughter. She met a guy working there and I think they just got married a year or so ago.

Not to say that that would happen necessarily. But it isn't something to fear. Just give it a shot one way or another and see what he thinks about it. The rest can be worked around.
» etheracide on 2007-11-26 01:15:51

Maybe you should ask your mom to spy on him so you can get to know him without the possibility of being rejected. :P

Then again that's kind of like stalking and I suppose it's a little weird..... heh.
» randomjunk on 2007-11-26 01:50:56

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