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Well then
Saturday. 7.15.17 5:07 pm
I didn't realize it's been a month since my last entry. It's been a couple months since my last public entry. I'm still kind of feeling the same as I was in the last entry, but I'm also in a 'fuck it' kind of mood so it's a minimized version of how I felt then.

Last weekend was the first weekend in weeks where I had absolutely zero plans and I made sure to take full advantage of it. I had one of those weekends you can only get away with as a single adult living alone. The same shirt I wore on Friday, I didn't take off until my shower Sunday night. I'm getting very close to following in the same footsteps for this weekend, however, I need to do laundry so I will be changing out of what I'm currently wearing sooner than I did last weekend.

It's kinda nice having two weekends in a row without any plans. I did go out last night after work, but that was the only plan. The tentative plans I had for tomorrow fell through. Next weekend I don't have any plans either, but the weekend after I do. I'm actually very tempted to squish two plans very close together, but I'm not sure how I feel about doing that yet. I may wait until the very last minute to decide. We'll see. I'll update on how that goes afterwards.

It's kind of strange knowing that I'm not going to be traveling anywhere this year. Since breaking the no-fly streak back in 2013, I've flown every year since, multiple times the last two years. However, this year I'd anticipated needing to take time off for a surgery I ended up not needing so my PTO is kind of reserved for trips I'm planning on taking early next year. I already have two places planned in the first two months of the year.

I thought about flying somewhere for a short period of time in October, but with the complete lack of budgeting I've done this year (I really need to get on that shit so that I actually can afford both of those trips I have planned) flying somewhere this year and being able to afford both of those trips just isn't going to work out. If the other two were a little more spread out, then maybe, but I don't want to adjust either one so I'm sticking with my no flying travel plans this year.

I still have the time off in October so I may spend some time in one of the bordering states and/or country, but I'll have to see how I feel when the time comes. I may just take my first ever stay-cation.

Anywho, aside from the apathy getting worse, nothing new is happening as of late. The strengthening apathy is probably what's causing the lack of interest in writing any form of blog entry here. Even if I take a break, I will always come back here. This is one of those safe spaces that I will never abandon. I've been a member here for coming on 13 years now so it's basically a set part of my life, even if it gets pushed to the back burner every now and again. It's always nice coming back when I do.

Until next time. . .

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Undeserving
Wednesday. 6.14.17 9:37 pm
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Perfect illusion
Monday. 5.29.17 8:16 pm
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

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On hold
Saturday. 5.13.17 5:05 pm
The apartment search has been placed on hold for now. I've decided that I would rather pay off my credit cards, and also start saving for the vacations that are quickly approaching. We're already halfway through May and in less than 5 months, I'm going away again. Then a few months later, and another month after that, and then hopefully another few months after that. So yeah, moving has been put on hold.

In an attempt to keep my pod from becoming a sauna this summer, I will be purchasing blackout curtains. I've been hesitant to drill holes in to the walls because I'm horrible about remembering to fill them once I'm ready to vacate, but it'll be worth it to not have it get too hot since I'm now staying here. I mean, there's already pinholes in the wall from me putting up sheets over the last few summers in an attempt to keep the sunlight out.

My vehicle is no longer a hazard to my front seat passengers. I had gotten a recall in the mail a little over a month ago for the passenger airbag. It had the possibility of exploding upon impact, and throwing out shrapnel at people's faces. Not exactly the type of safety feature that airbags usually advertise. After waiting about a month for the letter to come in the mail saying that the part was ready, I decided to call and check on the status. The guy who I spoke to was super helpful, told me they hadn't received anything yet, but instead actually ordered the part for me. And because it was a recall, I didn't have to pay for it to be replaced. I took it in today, and was told it would take a little under two hours. It took about 45 minutes so that was a nice surprise. Overall, it was far better than the last time I had taken my car in to a dealer to get serviced, which was years ago at this point. No one was trying to convince me to trade in my car, no one tried to upsell anything to me, or try to convince me that I needed this done, or needed that done. I know I need some work on my car, but nothing that I can afford at the moment. They even took it through their car wash and got it mostly clean again. I need to have it detailed, but it looks much better than it did before.

I feel like I've been busy again, but since I'm not writing about it every day, or posting things, I am having a hard time keeping track of everything I'm actually doing. This weekend, the only plan was to have my car fixed, and it shall remain as the only plan. Next weekend I'm busy both Saturday and Sunday, the weekend after is Memorial Day weekend and I have plans on at least one of those days, though not sure which day yet. Then the weekend after a few of us are going out of town because that's what the one friend wants to do for her birthday. I think the weekend after that I'm going out of town again, and then maybe the weekend after that is a hike? I don't know when I'm going to have another chill weekend, so this one now needs to be taken full advantage of.

Anywho, I wanted to try to avoid going another almost full month between entries so I figured I'd type this up real quick.

Until next time. . .

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Unintended
Saturday. 4.29.17 9:21 am
I didn't mean to go almost an entire month without writing. It just kind of happened that way. Though, this has been more of a busy month so perhaps that's why? I dunno. Either way, let me see if I can catch up a little.

Earlier this month, the week before Easter, I had probably the busiest week that I've had in a while, especially considering most of the activity occurred during the actual work week. I ate at a new place, saw a movie I probably wouldn't have seen on my own, went out to lunch with a coworker, went out to dinner with someone I've not seen in over two decades, saw another stage production. I ate out 5 of the 7 days that week, and was definitely feeling it that weekend.

I also had a dentist appointment scheduled for that Saturday prior to the busiest week, but I ended up making poor life choices and was sick the morning of the appointment so I had to reschedule.

I rescheduled that to yesterday, and had it tacked on to the afternoon of my annual appointment, since I was already taking time off from work. I don't like the dentist; I never have. And the last time I went was just as horrible as from when I was a kid. Yesterday's appointment however, though still not all happy fun times, was a much better experience. I'm not looking forward to going back in 4 weeks, but I am really hoping to make the improvements that I need so that I can just stick to a basic every 6 month cleaning. I am super thankful, however, for the fact that this dentist doesn't seem to think I need surgery. Unlike what I was told last time and hence why (part of the reason anyway) I put off going back for so long.

Oh, I got a new phone last weekend. It's the newest Galaxy model and I'm liking it so far. It's nice having a battery that lasts me a couple days. I also bought a smart watch to go with it. It's not as awkward to wear as I remember watches being. Perhaps it's because it syncs to my phone and doesn't exactly feel like a watch? Who knows. But I'm happy with the purchase altogether. I have yet to really test out the camera and get some new pictures. I've mostly just kind of taken the same shots that I've recently been taking, rather than going out and exploring. Something I know I will need to remedy soon.

Anywho, I'm probably forgetting some things so if anything comes to mind, I'll just add in an edit. Otherwise, that's all I got for now.

Until next time. . .

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Fourteen
Saturday. 4.1.17 6:04 pm
Well then ... I think back in Sept/Oct of last year I'd said something about maybe trying another 'entry every day' type of thing for this year. Considering today is April 1st, and this is only the 14th entry of the year, I'd say I've done quite horribly in really any attempt at trying to write every day.

I suppose it's more because of where I'm at in my life. I don't feel like I need to get things out as much as I did the year I wrote *almost* every day(I think I missed 7 or 8 in the entire year). It's not that I'm particularly busy; kind of the opposite, in fact, but there's just no real pull to write anything.

I still have the same car I've had for the last almost 8 years. I still have the same phone number that I've had for almost 10. I've even lived at the same address now for over 5 years. I've been working at the same location for over 6 years (though the job title has changed.) Life has kind of taken a rather consistent turn for me; one I'm very much not used to. Even though I still have the urge to move on a regular basis, (I think I've talked about this before) there's really nothing pushing or pulling me away at the moment.

I feel like I'm in this weird limbo of stability, but without really being stable. It's kind of hard to explain how I'm feeling, and the more I think about putting it in to words, the harder it becomes to really even understand it inside my own head. It's almost like I'm in a place where I've become comfortable with the consistency, and yet I'm always expecting that sudden change. Something to throw it all off. I lived that way for so long that I was terrified at just the simple thought of settling somewhere.

However, one of my biggest fears is of getting stuck. Like, I could never live on an island. Even if I don't go anywhere, the idea of not being able to go anywhere, whenever I wanted, makes me very uncomfortable. The last time I went away, I didn't have a rental car, and that made me quite uncomfortable. If I'm staying as a guest at someone's home, even if I know that I don't have to keep a schedule, it makes me uncomfortable in the knowledge that I might be judged for keeping weird hours. It may not completely stop me, but it makes me uncomfortable.

It's irrational, especially since I usually stay put. I guess all of the moving around has affected me, even though I've been in one place for longer than I've ever been before, and have become very used to the every day normalcy of it all. Though I don't remember the last time I went out for a drive, just for the sake of getting away, it causes me anxiety at just the idea of that not being an option.

Anwyho, this kind of went off topic, I suppose. There's really nothing new and/or exciting going on in my life as of the current moment. Hopefully this holds anyone who actually reads this over enough until the next entry.

Until then. . .

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